


Can't Leave You

by Maliam (orphan_account)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:00:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3245474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Maliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He may have been an arrogant man. He may have been rule breaking, and over confident, and snarky, and over all... Human. But James T. Kirk was Spock's T'hy'la and he would never leave him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Get some comfort food bitches cause this ficlet hurts like fuck

"Spock... Spock, go." Jim croaked. He coughed roughly, blood spattering out of his mouth. Spock pressed harder onto the wound that was pooling blood. He had been attacked from behind, a knife lodged deep in his gut. If he was a Vulcan, he would have died instantly. Spock was strangely glad at the moment that his Captain was human.

"That is not the most logical course of action, Captain." Spock argued back. He flicked his head slightly to try to get his hair out of his face. The once neat cut had become overgrown since they were captured by the Klingon ship. He had been keeping track of the days they had been prisoners on the vessel, sixteen point seven. His captain had exactly one more hour if Spock placed continuous pressure on the wound. Jim smiled up at him, even the very action looking like it took an extraordinary amount of effort.

His hand reached up to brush a Spock's hair away from his face. The hand came away with drops of green blood but Spock didn't care. He wasn't bleeding as terrible as Jim was. "I thought.... I thought Vulcan's didn't lie."

"I am half human." Spock informed Jim. The most logical course of action would be to let Jim cause some sort of distraction as Spock slipped away from the Klingons. But Spock knew that if he did that, he would never be able to forgive himself. He had grown too affectionate for his Captain over the five year mission. If he left him on this ship, or if he even let him die, Spock would be too emotionally compromised to carry on with his own life. Not that he would ever give that information to the Captain, not willingly.

Jim tried to move, only resulting in a increased amount of pain. He bit into his lip to keep himself from screaming out. It would only be a matter of time before the Klingons found them. "Spock, you have to promise me to tell Sam that -"

"It is most illogical for me to inform him of information that you can inform him of yourself." Spock countered quickly. Jim smiled.

"Spock, I was stabbed in the kidney. I'm going to die no matter how much pressure you put on that wound."

Spock shook his head. "From the knowledge I possess, you do not hold any education as a physician. So you can not accurately  judge the extent of your injury since it would require an expert eye. Currently it is more prudent to remain hopeful to ensure a higher survival chance. I will continue to place maximum pressure on your wound until such a time comes that you will no longer need my medical assistance."

Jim let out a bubble of laughter before dissolving into a fit of coughs. The pain caused his body to seize. Spock's hands shook against Jim's side. The Captain was right. Obviously. Spock had attempted to ignore the evidence right in front of him but like his mother told him too many times, you can only avoid the evidence for so long before it forces it’s way into the light. It would be a miracle if Jim even had an hour left to live. In reality... Jim likely had few precious minutes left of his life. Spock was not about to leave his side in these last moments. Each second was one second Spock was not going to lose.

"Spock, you listen to me." Jim demanded. His hand reached and grabbed Spock's own hand. Jim gripped it as tightly as he could. "You will not carry my body off of this ship. I will slow you down too much." Spock opened his mouth to argue. He had more strength than a human, carrying Jim would not burden him too much. And if it did end up slowing him down, then he would die as well and he wouldn't be faced with the task of telling the _Enterprise_ crew that their Captain was dead. Jim shook his head, already knowing the argument Spock was forming in his mind. "No. That is an order, leave me on this ship. Vulcan or not, you can’t out run Klingon’s shooting at you with a dead body in your arms. Tell Sam I'm sorry for everything I said when we were kids. Tell my mom that I don't blame her."

The grip Jim had on Spock's hand was growing looser with every second he spoke. Jim's eyes were fluttering closer together, becoming more tiresome to keep them open. "Sir, I believe I am feel emotionally compromised at the moment. I do not think I will be able to follow those orders correctly."

Jim smiled. "Spock, if I can do my job when the person I love is my second in command, I think you can stand losing one arrogant Captain."

The Captain's eyes closed and they didn't open again. No matter how hard Spock shook him, no matter how much he sobbed against him, no matter how much Spock whimpered _You are my T'hy'la_ into his chest.

  
  
  



	2. Can't Lose You

Spock whispered sweet Vulcan words into Kirk’s chest. With every fading thump of Kirk’s heart, Spock felt himself break even more. The Klingons would find him soon, he’d have to leave quickly to avoid being captured. But even the thought of leaving his T’hy’la caused him pain. He had to leave, Jim would want him to live, but that didn’t mean Spock wanted to live. He was about to move and lie Jim down on the ground to allow him peace when light surrounded them both.  _The Enterprise._

With his grip tight on Jim, Both of them appeared in the transport room. Mccoy’s swearing started the second they materialized. The doctor was already barking out orders viciously. Spock couldn’t bring himself to look up from his Captain’s- his T’hy’la’s- body. Hands grabbed Spock’s shoulder and he twisted violently towards the person. Nurse Chapel moved herself back quickly, hands going into a submissive position. He turned back around and kept his hands clasped around Jim.

“Spock… Spock, you have to let us take him.” Doctor Mccoy said. He approached Spock and Jim carefully, his hands set in front of him to show that he meant no harm. Spock stared up at the Doctor and slowly released Jim. Nurse Chapel and the other two nurses quickly gathered him into the gurney beside the transporter. Spock pushed himself off the ground to watch as they wheeled Jim out, running towards the medbay. Doctor Mccoy was already running out of the room, barking about what he needed when they got into the medbay. Nyota tried to approach Spock but he was already walking from the room. He had to wash Jim’s blood off of his body. However, Nyota followed Spock, running to catch up with him.

Her hand brushed his own. He was glad that at least the blood had dried and Nyota’s slender hand only came away with flakes. “Spock, are you alright?”

He breathed in quickly. “Ms. Uhura could you please let Mr. Sulu know that he shall remain as acting captain as I am currently emotionally compromised from my time on the Klingon ship.”

Nyota pushed herself infront of Spock, her hands pushed on Spock’s chest. He could have easily pushed her to the side and ignored her. But despite his emotional state Spock knew if he did that Nyota would force him to talk later. Nyota’s hands lifted off his chest. One hand lifted and brushed Spock’s hair out of his face. The action caused Spock to be reminded of when Jim brushed his hair away.

_"I thought.... I thought Vulcan's didn't lie."_

“You need to stop for a second and breath, Spock. Mccoy isn’t going to let Kirk die, you know that.” Nyota said. As much as Spock knew she was correct, he was unable to feel completely secure in that fact until he saw Jim breathing again with his own two eyes.

“I am positive of that fact, yes, Nyota.”

“And yet you are obviously distressed.” Nyota said. “Spock, that’s quite illogical of you.”

Spock nodded his head. “It would seem so. However, it is logical to assume that when one’s T’hy’la is mortally injured one is not logical.”

The lieutenant stepped back, her eyes widening a fraction. A human would not have noticed it but Spock wasn’t completely human. “I… Spock, I knew… but not…”

“Now if you would excuse me Lieutenant, I must rinse the blood off of me and change my clothing.” Spock said, hoping that after this explanation Nyota would let him go.

She reached up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll patch you up later, okay? Jim won’t like it if you didn’t take care of yourself.” With a quick pat, Nyota allowed Spock to walk to his quarters. None of the other crew members stopped him. Many scrambled to get out of his way as he walked. He felt almost sorry for causing them fear but he couldn’t find it in himself to apologize. Spock was too distraught with Jim’s injury. If  _The Enterprise_  had been any later… No, he can’t think about that.

They were alright and that was what mattered.

He walked into his quarters with no further stops. “Computer lock doors. Lights to twenty percent.” Spock peeled off the old clothing he had on. Jim’s blood coated his clothing that had been ripped and torn by the torture they were put through. Spock wanted to forget that this had ever happened, that he had even allowed Jim to transport to that unknown ship transmitting a distress signal. But that would be illogical to assume that was possible. “Computer, start the shower at my preferred setting.”

The water could be heard hitting the shower wall as Spock stripped off his remaining clothing. He gathered them carefully and placed them onto the counter. He didn’t want to incinerate them just yet as they may hold valuable information. Later he would confirm with Doctor Mccoy if it was alright to incinerate it or not. Spock stepped under the warm stream of water, tilting his head back. It had been too long. After wetting his hair, he allowed his head to hang low as he watched the blood and water wash down the drain.

Watching the blood wash away from his body forced Spock into the reality that Jim was very human. Unlike Spock, he was entirely human, he wasn’t going to live extraordinarily long, nor was he going to be able to go into a healing state to save him from injuries like this. Having Jim, a human, as his t’hy’la was entirely illogical. He supposed he took after his father in that aspect. Considering how reckless Jim was, it was all too likely that he would have a shorter lifespan than an average human. Spock would be lucky to have Jim with him for half his life time. Really, everything in Spock’s entire life was quite illogical. After washing himself completely from all the blood, Spock stepped from the shower. Nyota would be waiting for him in medical to patch him up since everyone else would be busy helping Doctor Mccoy.

Getting dressed in a new uniform, making sure the sleeves were rolled up to prevent the blood getting on it, and putting his ruined uniform in a sealed bag, Spock walked out from his quarters. The hallway was practically cleared now, most people on duty or doing other things. The entire ship was probably scrambling to get out of Klingon space. Despite coming in Klingon space undetected, that didn’t mean that they would stay undetected for long. Spock wanted to be mad at the crew for coming to rescue their captain and second in command but he was grateful. Because they came in time, there was a high chance of Jim’s survival. Spock walked through the ship calmly. He couldn’t rush, otherwise he would get there and Jim wouldn’t be out of surgery yet. Doctor Mccoy no doubt had locked the room and was going to keep Spock out until the Captain was fit enough to talk. Which shouldn’t be long considering how fast Jim recovered from his injuries since Khan’s blood saved him years ago. No one could have predicted that there would be long lasting effects.

Like he thought, Nyota was waiting at the door of medical for Spock to finish showering. She didn’t say anything about Jim being his T’hy’la, possibly because she knew how much pain he was in. In any situation, Spock was grateful for Nyota deciding not to speak of what he had reveal to her. Nyota gently pulled him to one of the seats, dropping his ruined uniform on one of the tables to deal with it later. Spock watched as she gather up some things to stitch up his injuries. There wasn’t that many, only a few injuries on his arms from fighting their captors as well as a head injury. Jim was fighting a Klingon when the Klingon pressed a phaser to Jim’s head. Spock had shoved himself between the Klingon and Jim, only getting clipped by the gun. Nyota sighed as she looked at him and started to clean the wound that had already started to bleed again.

Dabbing the cloth against his wound, Nyota made sure it had stopped bleeding as much as it could. Head wounds were usually superficial despite looking severe. She pressed on some gauze and taped around to carefully. It would keep the wound clean until Spock had the chance to go into a healing trance. Spock moved his arms out so Nyota would have better access to the cuts.

“Leonard should have Kirk out of surgery in a bit. It’ll be fine Spock.” Nyota whispered.

Spock nodded his head. “His heart stopped beating for a while. It is possible he had some oxygen deprivation.”

“Possible, yes, but he’s alive. Everything else can be fixed.” Nyota said.

Spock didn’t bother to point out that there was some things that could not be fixed. Nyota was aware of that fact, she was attempting to comfort him… and herself. She liked to pretend that she did not feel friendship towards the Captain. That was a lie. Since Khan, they were closer than before and often closer together than anyone else, except perhaps Doctor Mccoy and Jim. Spock looked down and watched as Nyota sprayed medicine onto his cuts to keep them from getting infected. The cuts on his arms were too superficial to bandage but they were large enough to get infected if left unattended. Even a Vulcan was at risk for that. Nyota lifted herself from the chair she was in to dispose of the gauze and cloth she used to clean his wounds.

“What do you need, Spock?” Nyota asked him. Spock ignored the twisting pain in his heart. What he needed was Jim to be alright and Jim to be next to him. The likelihood of Jim being the same after this was low. Not only did Jim almost die but the emotional trauma was intense. Both Spock and Jim were tortured in attempt to get information out of them. Jim more than Spock as he was human and a captain. Thus a lower breaking point and more information to gain. If the physical harm didn’t get to him, then the emotional harm will. Spock turned his head to the door to surgery before looking back to Nyota.

“Logically, I do not require anything at the moment.” Spock said to Nyota. She sighed. While she was attempting to help, perhaps it would be best for her to just leave. Nyota seemed to sense this as she got up and gave Spock a kiss on the cheek.

“I have to get back to the bridge. I’ll see you after Kirk gets out of surgery.” Without waiting for a reply, Nyota walked out of medical. Most likely it was because she knew that Spock wouldn’t reply. He always liked Nyota, she understood when he needed to be left alone. Unlike the captain. When Spock wanted to be alone, like on the anniversary of his mothers death, Jim forced his way into his quarters and wouldn’t leave until Spock played a round of chess. While it was unorthodox, Jim’s force made Spock feel comforted that he had a friend who would do that for him. Spock stared down at his own hands. He already missed the feel of Jim’s hands on his own. Jim would never touch Spock for long, always jumping away when he realized what he was doing, but it was in Jim’s nature to touch. It’d always be sudden and for different reasons. Once Jim had grabbed Spock’s hand because he wanted to show him this new plant Sulu had found. Another time Jim had caressed Spock’s clutching hands as he explained to his captain why he had to go back to new vulcan for a period of time. But it was alright. Everything would be alright because Jim was not dead. And that was all Spock needed him to be.

The door to the ICU opened. It was directly connected with the surgery room so the doctor had probably already moved Jim into the room. Mccoy walked through the door. “Spock, I…” Spock lifted himself and brushed past Mccoy. The doctor attempted to grab him, “Wait, Spock, you have to-”

When he entered the room Jim was looking around. Everything around Spock seemed lighter as he looked at his t’hy’la. The doctor ran up beside him and Jim turned his head to see them.

He smiled widely. “Hey! Who are you?”

**Author's Note:**

> <3 every comment, kudos, subscribe, and bookmark is appreciated!


End file.
